but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
