I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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