remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
