he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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