i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she looked like the before picture.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
