Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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