I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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