Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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