Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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