i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize