So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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