"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
