Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
