have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
