You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
