I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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