It's like a parade of train wrecks.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
