She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize