I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
