im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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