i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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