the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
