I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
