one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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