just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
