Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
