Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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