He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
