In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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