I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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