Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
