Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a search helicopter?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
