he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
