I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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