Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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