I'm drive I can fine osifer
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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