it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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