I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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