He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
