garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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