Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
