I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
