There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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