I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
