Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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