If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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