Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
