We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
