Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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