I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
