White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
