Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
