Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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