When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
