I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
