I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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