If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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