paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sarcasm needs its own font
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
