the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
