thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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