I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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