alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
