the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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