dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
