So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
