not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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