Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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