Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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