They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
