Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
