he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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