Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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