she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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