Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
